The enemy has been vanquished. For the glory of ireland!
For the glory of our beloved king!
It was a great victory. But at what cost? Lives, blood.
All we wish is to live in our own land in peace, free of invaders.
You've served me well in battle, hugh o'donnell. Now join me in prayer.
We pray for forgiveness and the consolation...
now you must pray for me.
My liege.
Guard the crown "till the rightful successor is found.
Promise me you'll do that, for the good of our ireland.
It shall be done, my liege.
It shall be done.
- Practising a lot... - four times a week.
- That's not enough. - We'll see about that.
Adjust your parry. Keep your guard up.
- Ooh, nice form. - Thank you.
- You'll have to do better than that. - How about this, then?
Are you sure i won't be interrupting?
Oh, don't worry. She's always fencing or boxing or swimming or something.
I don't know why.
- Woah. Cool move. Where'd you learn that? - Belize.
- Is that next to pizza heaven on pine? - No.
- Across from the beer barrel, downtown. - Uh, why don't you hit the showers, brant?
Right.
Hi!
- I thought you were still away at harvard. - I had to see you.
- It sounds serious. - I need your help, sydney.
- Brant, is it? - Yeah.
- Claudia. - No, brant.
- No, me claudia. You brant. - Right.
- You've got a great butt, brant. - Yeah, i work out a lot.
You know, i take long lunches... really long lunches.
Monday and wednesday i usually concentrate on cardio.
But that's just for the health. The weights are what's really important, and i like to...
brant?
- Hit the showers. - Yeah.
Have you every heard of the crown of king brian boru?
Uh, crown of the last king of ireland, it's been lost for a thousand years.
I might know where it is. And a friend of mine might be dead because of it.
- how's your dad? - Fine. A little grouchy.
This is a surprise?
Our fathers were good friends. Sydney was like a big sister to me.
Tell me about your friend.
Sean banning. I've never actually met him, except on the internet.
No, no, no, not like that. Not in one of those...
chat rooms that's devoted entirely to the purpose of talking raunchy.
Well, we're both phd students. He's at trinity college in dublin.
He mentioned that he'd come across an ancient poem...
that had a clue about the missing crown.
What makes you think something might have happened to this sean banning?
Well, he was being followed, then his house was ransacked, then nothing.
I mean, no more e-mails.
I have a phone number for him, but there's never any answer.
The whole thing could be a hoax. Maybe there is no poem.
It arrived a few days ago with a note.
- Where did he find this? - At a flea market just outside dublin.
"Please keep this safe for me. I fear for my life, sean."
- Don't worry. We'll take care of everything. - Thank you.
My gaelic's a little rusty.
It's... uh, it's actually middle gaelic, much older.
The symbol of irish honour is our crown. Into foreign hands it did not fall...
the protector o'donnell did take it, and still the o'donnell's heed the call.
The king's right-hand man was hugh o'donnell.
But when the english invaded ireland,
the o'donnells' descendants swore loyalty to the hated english king henry the second.
The o'donnells have been branded as traitors ever since...
they may not have been.
What makes you say that?
Towards the end it says,
when the real story is told, the o'donnells shall lose the shame of old.
Yeah, but the real ending is missing.
These poems usually have twenty-one lines. This one only has seventeen.
The last four lines of the poem hold the secret to where the crown is.
I think so. All i really care about is sean. Will you help me?
- Yes. Of course. - Of course.
Okay, so you two check on sean. I'll go to the flea market, see what i can dig up.
Okay.
- This is the building. - I hope he's okay.
Sean?
There's no sign of any trouble.
I'm warning you. One false move, and i'll shoot.
Well, in that case, perhaps you should release the safety catch.
Safety catch? Where's that?
You must be sean banning.
Oh, no. Sean is muscular and athletic with ...curly hair.
- He sent you a photo? - Well, no, but on the internet he's...
i've got muscles... they're just temporarily obscured.
Anyway, who are you two, and what are you doing in my home?
- Sean, it's me! Molly! - Molly!
I'm so glad you're okay. When you didn't return my calls i was so worried.
- Did you get the poem? - Yes. Don't worry, it's safe.
Who's this, then?
This is nigel. He came over with my friend sydney. They're going to help us.
Oh. It's been treacherous since the break-in. I've been taking every precaution i can.
Is that why you left the door unlocked?
Damn.
I've been hiding out of my own house. It's not that i'm a coward or anything...
it's just that i'm...
- petrified. - Careful.
Sean, do you have any idea who's been following you, who ransacked your house?
- No. - Have you been to the police?
I was afraid. If word got out about the poem, it might attract even more attention.
The poem refers to the o'donnells. That should be our starting point.
Yeah. The head of the clan lives here, in dublin.
The o'donnells. Traitors they are. I'd better come with you.
They'll probably put up a resistance. But i can beat it out of them!
- Sean, sean, maybe you should stay here. - You could be in danger going out.
Right.
Thanks. Looks like the o'donnells have gone down a bit in the world.
It's hard to lose the label of "traitor."
Excuse me... we're looking for michael o'donnell.
Would you know if he's home?
Yes indeed. He seldom leaves.
He's a crusty old bugger. I don't think you'll really want to be talking to him.
We'll be deciding who we want to talk to and who we don't, thank you.
I'm sure that's true. I'm just telling you, you're much better off talking to me.
If i need my car repaired, i'll talk to you. Until then...
i'm michael o'donnell. What's your business here?
Mr. O'donnell, sorry to call unannounced. My name is nigel bailey. I'm a...
get to the point. What do you want?
We'd like to ask you about your ancestors,
hugh and liam o'donnell, and king brian boru.
If you could just spare us a few minutes...
i could spare you a greeting with this for trespassing.
You've got one minute to get off my property before i call the police,
or see to your departure myself.
Um... taxi!
Told you you'd be much better of talking to me.
And you. Get that bucket of bolts out of my driveway...
before i have the towing company do it for you.
Taxi! Taxi!
It's just a temporary dead end. We run into them all the time, it never stops us.
Sydney's lucky to have an assistant like you.
Nigel's more like a partner.
- Really? - Really? I mean, really.
Many's the time when he's come up with just the right idea at just the right time.
Yes, well, i'm definitely the junior partner. Still, it has taken me - us - all over the world.
A few scrapes with death, you get used to the danger.
- I'd love to hear all about it. - Really?
You didn't find anything at the flea market?
A really cool celtic cross. Nothing that related to the poem.
Oh, we didn't order.
Aye, courtesy mr. O'donnell.
Maybe the old geezer regrets how rude he was this morning.
We were never properly introduced.
I'm garrett... o'donnell. The latest in a long line of traitors.
- The old man was... - ah, me own sweet da.
Maybe you could tell us something about your family history.
I really couldn't care less about that. It's all a bunch of lies.
You know what they say... history's written by the winners.
- But this is a matter of irish heritage. - We're searching for a national treasure.
National this, national that. We're all europeans now.
Yes but you must still feel proud about...
about what? About something that happened a thousand years ago...
or didn't. You got to live in the present, girl.
I'm beginning to see a distinct resemblance between you and your father.
Care for a game of darts, nigel? You do know how to play?
Well, i'm british, aren't i?
- I like her. - She seems to have that effect on men.
Beat that one, englishman.
You... you put passion into everything, don't you?
- What else is life for? - Right well, it's been a while since i've played.
I'm, uh... i didn't mean to, uh... i'm awfully sorry.
- Did you think that was funny? - No, not at all, just purely a slip of the wrist.
I'm sure he'll listen to reason. How about i buy you a drink.
Listen to this english poofter.
Um, actually, that's an offensive term...
and although i have many gay friends, i myself am heterosexual.
- So now i'm offensive, am i? - Excuse me...
since when is it new that you're offensive? The man said he was sorry.
Well, well, if it isn't garrett o'donnell, of the traitorous o'donnells.
So you want to make this your fight, do you? All right.
Ah gentlemen, i'm sure we can settle this without violence.
So, can me and me friends buy you a beer?
A pint of murphy's, please.
- Thanks. - That's no problem.
Malachy, he's, an old friend of mine, we go through this about every once a month.
I mean, you heard it yourself even friends take the o'donnell name in vain.
Think you can understand why i'm not into the grand history of ireland.
Can i have a scotch?
Garrett, what if you could clear your family's name?
And how would i do that?
Well, there's and ancient poem that's come to light, written in gaelic.
Gaelic? Aye, there's a bad memory for you.
- What do you mean? - Well, it's nothing...
it's just a silly coming-of-age ritual.
The eldest boy in the o'donnell family has to learn this... well it's only four lines...
but i have no idea what it means.
- Four lines? - That's right.
- Molly! Can you recite those four lines? - What? All right.
Seeker, go where liam is sleeping.
For he is the only one who knows.
The singing stick will lead you in.
As it did the men of mccreary.
So... where liam is sleeping...
liam o'donnell. That's the one who swore allegiance to king henry the second.
So where's liam sleeping?
It could be a reference to where he's buried.
Most likely. Where's liam o'donnell buried?
In a mausoleum on our property.
They wouldn't allow a traitor to be buried in a church cemetery, would they?
We have to go there.
Yeah, but my father would never allow that to happen.
Please.
My father goes in the library every day about three to have a cup of tea...
if you know what i mean.
And he can't see the path to the mausoleum from there.
Thanks.
We should probably get sean. I'm sure he'd like to come.
- What is it? - We're being followed.
It's, uh, been known to happen that we get followed...
but in this case i think she's being a bit paranoid.
I generally have a good instinct for these sort of things.
Who are you working for?
Someone's one step ahead of us.
I think we're being followed again.
- I think you're right. - I'll take care of this.
Nigel.
Over there. Behind the car.
- I think... - shh.
- Who are you working for? - Nigel, don't. It's sean.
- Sean? - Sean?
- How'd you know i was tailing you?
That get-up doesn't exactly make you the invisible man.
Spy magazine said this was the perfect disguise. There's people after me, you know.
What are you doing here? We were just on our way to get you.
I got impatient. I thought i'd come and meet you...
at that no-good double-crossing traitor o'donnell's place...
who's this, then?
That would be the no-good double-crossing traitor's son.
There might be a clue at the o'donnell family mausoleum.
I guess we need him, then.
You know what, sean? Maybe you shouldn't...
- no, i want to come. Please. - Okay. Let's go.
This is your family's land? It's so beautiful out there.
- You definitely blend in. - Thank you. That is so sweet.
No need to be embarrassed, nigel. Just be yourself.
How can i be myself when...
garrett's being himself and doing a hell of a lot better with himself than i with myself.
You have a great self.
Do i, syd'?
- I mean, really, at the end of the day... - nigel...
- you don't have to be kind. - Well, okay.
- But you don't have to be mean, either. - I'm not mean.
- Sometimes you can be. - Nigel! Over here.
Right.
We're going in here?
Ah yes, we are, sean. You don't have to go in if you don't want to. There's no pressure.
No, i'll come.
Anything down this way?
It's so dark in here. I can barely see.
Molly, you stay close. This could be dangerous.
That's not it.
I hope there isn't more than one liam.
Don't worry. We'll know the right one.
- Sure, but there are a lot of crypts in here. - It is eight hundred years old.
Ah.
Ah, try not to fall behind. We only have two flashlights.
Ah.
What?
There's a cobweb. Don't you hate it when that happens?
This is where the crypt for liam should be.
I gather this is liam?
Something written on the base.
- music opens his heart. - The last two lines of the ballad.
- The singing stick will lead you in. - As it did the men of mccreary.
More riddles.
Singing stick.
The men of mccreary.
- That's right. This ancient battle song. - Do you know how it goes?
The battle waged for many a day.
Typical of the period. Series of panels showing the family history.
Are you sure there's enough air in here?
We have at least a minute or two.
The moment of king brian boru's death. Hugh o'donnell's holding the crown.
Well this is the actual moment of betrayal, liam kneeling before the english king.
This is the moment it all went wrong.
I'm surprised they would want that immortalized in his crypt.
So am i.
Wait a minute. The coat of arms indicates,
that it's king henry the second...
but take a long look at his face. Notice anything strange?
Well, the king henry in this picture has red hair and a beard.
But in reality, king henry had dark hair and was clean shaven.
Brian boru's the one with the red hair and beard.
Why would they put brian boru's head on king henry the second's body?
Look at the crown. It's too large. Why would it be so large?
We're trapped.
It must have been set to close automatically, some kind of timer.
Sydney and i have been in this kind of spot before.
She always find some secret lever, button, or panel to get us out of it.
So, um, what do you think it is this time, syd'?
No idea.
You know what? It's brawn over brains this time.
We're going to have to smash through the door.
With what?
With this. It looks solid enough. Everybody grab a hold.
We're going to go this way on my count. Okay? One, two, three.
Get off!
Cloth covering the body must have been stuck to the coffin lid.
That's liam o'donnell.
Can you translate this, molly?
Go to where england's king stands for all time like blarney.
Where knowledge is kept you will find much more.
Stands for all time...
the blarney stone!
- A statue? - King henry!
There's been a statue of king henry at a park in dublin for hundreds of years.
Where knowledge is kept.
Knowledge is kept in the head.
That's why the crown in that picture's so large.
The o'donnells hid boru's crown inside the statue of king henry.
And that's why they were swearing allegiance to the english king...
they were swearing to their own king all along!
He found a way to hide that crown in plain sight.
Yeah, and by pretending to be loyal to the english king,
he kept them from suspecting that he might still have it.
And he gave up everything in order to protect that crown.
He wasn't a traitor. He was a hero.
Hey, how's it going?
Fine. We'll have the crown anytime now. Mission accomplished, huh?
Nigel, i think you're really sweet and smart, funny. It's just...
i understand. It's... i mean, sometimes people like other people.
And although those people like people who like them, they don't...
- like them. - Like them.
- Well, i'm really glad i met you. - I'm really glad i met you, too.
The head doesn't look any larger than normal.
- It's not the original head. - What?
There's a line where the new one was welded on.
The metal from the one that's on here now doesn't match the rest of the statue.
- It's the night of the heads. - The night of the what?
- I heard about it all the time growing up. - The night of the heads?
Yeah, during the uprisings of 1916...
michael collins led a group of men through the city...
and cut off the head of every statue who was an englishman.
Do you remember what happened to the heads?
No, that's all i remember.
Well, who told it to you?
All these years, branded traitors.
You were heroes, mr o'donnell.
Mr o'donnell, do you have any idea what michael collins and his men...
did with the heads of the statues?
Threw them in the river...
where they stayed all these years, until the museum excavated them.
- The museum? - The irish history museum.
Aye. That's the one.
- Heads? - yes, from the night of the heads?
Michael collins cut all the heads off english statues, threw them in the river.
- Aye, the heads. What about them? - Do you know what happened to them?
They threw them into the river! You just told me so yourselves.
Yes. After the river, what happened to them?
Oh. The curator and his assistant during that time fished them out.
So where are they now?
Dead, of course. Well, it was over a hundred years ago!
The heads.
Ah, yes. The heads. They're in the storage area. Would you like to see them?
Yes!
Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?
Come, come, come here. I've got my keys right here.
Well, there in my pocket. Watch your head. It's just around the corner here. Come.
Yes, yes, come...
it's the dust. Affects my asthma. Go, go, go. Do your looking.
- Thank you. - I'll ah...
let's split up and start looking.
Hell.
Over here.
- This is it? - Looks like it.
It's locked.
That shouldn't be a problem.
Stand back, all of you.
No!
Enough! Enough of all this. If anyone else moves, molly'll pay for it.
And i assure you, i've removed the safety latch.
You're disgusting.
No!
That's right. Listen to sydney. She is a sensible woman.
And you've been so kind helping me. I'll always be grateful.
Stand back, o'donnell, or there'll be another head getting detached.
Sean, i don't understand how you could do this.
Molly, he's not sean. He's only been posing as sean so we would lead him to the crown.
The internet really is the way of the future, lass. I found an american computer mogul,
rediscovering his gaelic roots. The crown of the last king of ireland is the ultimate trophy,
for the man who has everything.
You're selling out our past.
For a very good price.
Tonight, the crown and i will be on a private jet heading for america.
What have you done with the real sean? Have you killed him?
I'm no murderer, molly. Although, i will be if necessary.
Once the plane is in the air, you'll be set free.
Just what do you think you're doing? Unhand me now, you big lummox!
Let me go! What's the meaning of this? I'll remember your faces, i will, you know.
I'll be calling the guard. I will, don't you forget it.
Garrett, see that suit of armour? Can you move next to it?
What are you thinking, syd?
Well, if we can position now hands just right,
he can not down the axe. It will cut the rope between our hands.
Ah...
superb craftsmanship. Amazing detail.
One thousand years ago, and the artisans of the day were far better than anybody...
just get on with it!
Syd, there's only three or four inches of rope between us.
That's okay. The axe is only about two inches wide.
- You're not leaving much margin for error. - Nigel, see if you can shift our position.
- Which way? - A little towards you.
Okay. Garrett, nudge the armour. Slowly.
The statue was made in two halves and then held together with pins.
Here's the seam.
A blow in the wrong place, it will destroy the crown.
That would have very disastrous consequences.
Oh... sorry, so sorry.
I should have asked for more.
This time tomorrow, we should all be rich men.
I don't think so.
Give me that!
No.
Tell me you're not dead.
I might not be dead, but i'm definitely in heaven.
Okay, up we get. He'll be fine. The bullet just grazed his head.
- Where's the crown? - Safe for ireland.
All right. Let's get out of here, huh? Come on.
The old family crest cleans up pretty good though, eh?
How do you turn a lifetime of shame into a future with pride?
Lt'll take some adjusting, that's for sure.
That's a good way to start.
I suppose it is. Look, garrett. There's a lot we've had to put up with over the years,
and i may have... well, what i mean to say is... a fine automobile you have there.
I suppose you'll be needing some more time to work on it.
That'd be great, da.
That doesn't mean till the end of time, though.
Don't be taking advantage of my good nature.
That was syd. She'll be back in town tomorrow.
And where are you going?
- To a restaurant. - Moonlighting?
No. If it's any of your business, i've got a date, actually.
Again?
Yes, again.
Her lecture should be just about over.
And so it turns out the o'donnell's were the protectors of brian boru's crown all along.
Well, thanks for listening.
It was very generous of professor fox to let me take over her class for the day.
Questions, anyone?
You.
Where's the crown now?
The irish history museum in dublin.
Anyone else?
Over there.
Now, miss, i was wondering how it is you think you can praise low-lifes...
like the traitorous o'donnells.
I happen to be personal friends with the o'donnells, and they are not low lifes.
Well, then, perhaps... you'd like to go to dinner with one of them?
Garrett.
I thought she liked the irish dude.
She did. The irish dude's in ireland. And i am not.
So i ran into the real sean. A far cry from the impostor, isn't he?
Yeah. Thank god he was okay when we found him.
So, uh, what are you doing here?
Well, i thought i'd come to the university and study diplomacy,
maybe work on irish-american relations.
So how about that dinner tonight?
What's wrong?
Garrett... it's just that i've been here a while, and...
you're seeing someone?
I haven't heard from you.
Nigel!
- Nigel. - Nigel.
- Garrett. - Garrett.
- Nigel. - Garrett. Well...
garrett just got into town. Isn't that great?
Great.
Nigel and i are having dinner.
Great.
Why don't we all go for dinner?
- Great. - Great.